The time has come ...

The time has come for us to cease posting to Ren's blog, just as it did with Claire's blog. I had intended to keep going another year or more but somehow, the time just feels right for his story to be told in a more private manner now. Of course, we'll still send updates to family, friends, travel-mates and Zhuhai families!

Thank you to everyone for following our journey to Ren and for supporting us as we adjusted to life as a family of four. All the best,

Monica, Paul, Claire and Ren

Ren's true self

After three months as a family, I believe we are starting to see Ren's true self!

Until the last month or so, we regularly faced challenging behaviour that was reserved solely for us; other people only saw a happy little boy with a beautiful smile who seemed either docile or at least well-behaved in their presence (which is how Ren was for us the first couple of days).

It was very difficult for us to discern what was Ren's true personality and what was behaviour brought about by the massive adjustment he was facing. We were quite sure the hitting was temporary (it was) but we weren't so sure about some of the other behaviours and attributes, one of the most frustrating being defiance. For example, we knew he understood "no" but we were quite sure he didn't yet understand our explanations for why he couldn't do something. Perhaps because of not understanding our rationale, or simply to test us, Ren would smile defiantly and repeat the behaviour very deliberately, all the while maintaining eye contact with us. Okay, so at first we didn't think it was a defiant smile but it didn't take long before we interpreted it as being defiant / not innocent. Of course we tried to say "no" as little as possible but it simply wasn't always possible.

Anyway, I don't want to get into the ways we handled the not-so-great behaviour (we had to change course a couple of times to find the most effective method for him and us); the main thing is that most of it has stopped! I realized last week that Ren is no longer pushing buttons just to get a rise out of us. Yahoo! I'm not sure when it actually stopped but it's a huge relief.

Now, rather than trying to tick us off, I can see he's trying to please us. One example of how is that he'll point to things he's not supposed to touch, say "no touch" and look to us for approval. Or he'll cover his mouth when he coughs as I taught him and he'll make sure I see. Also, he's taken to watching out for naughty behaviour on the part of Claire; if she's making a mess or something, he'll say, "uh oh!", look at us worriedly and point to her. It's pretty funny when he does that. All of this has made a huge difference in parenting him.

At the same time, it seems that we've also turned a corner in terms of attachment. I think Ren has finally decided he likes me! It's also become evident that he knows he belongs with us now. When we're out in public, he'll often put both arms around my neck and lean in very close, prompting acquaintances to remark that he seems very attached to me.

I'm not sure exactly what prompted the switch but it could be due to the fact that Paul's dad Wally has spent a lot of time here the last three weeks. I had been managing on my own with the two kids but I have to say that I wasn't in great shape emotionally and mentally. Just day to day stuff was pretty challenging given my decreased mental state! Wally's visits were perfect timing, because I was just starting to come around and his help gave me the boost I needed. With him here to relieve some of the childcare stress, I really feel like I have gotten over worst of it and am better able to cope with the little yahoos and Ren's medical needs. When I look at it all from that perspective, no wonder Ren seems to have turned a corner.

I know we still have a ways to go before we truly know Ren but at this point in time, he appears to be an eager to please, teasing, happy, creative, and active little boy. He is quite thoughtful (he'll often help Claire with things) and has shown empathy to both me and Claire when we suffered boo-boos. He is very observant and really seems to notice similarities in items. For example, at Costco the other day, I bought him a nursery rhyme book. It is in the same style as one of Claire's lullaby books (board book with a velvet on the binding) but in a different colour. As soon as we got home, he raced to his room, got Claire's book and cuddled up on a chair with both books.

In terms of likes and dislikes, Ren loves:

- horses! He's shown an intense interest in them ever since his pony ride at the zoo. When we're reading, if we get to a page where there's a horse, it's game-over. He won't let me turn the page! He will stare at that horse for several minutes and let out a happy exclamation of "yeehaw!" from time to time.

- hockey

- soccer

-books

- our Little People farm and castle sets

- blocks

-his morning milk

- meat and potatoes (what a little man!)

- his sister

He doesn't like:

- fruit. He'll eat some things plain (apples, mangoes) but we have to mix other fruits in yogurt to get him to eat it.

- veggies. He'll only eat veggies if he thinks that's all we're going to have, so we always begin our meals with only veggies in sight.

- getting his hair washed.

Hmmmm ... I'm sure there are more dislikes but that's all I can think of right now.

Ren's language seems to be really taking off now. He now says several phrases and approximately 40 words (unprompted). We think he understands a lot of what we say in daily life now - maybe not everything but the regular stuff for sure. I have a feeling that it'll explode over summer. I look forward to that for many reasons, one of them being we'll get to know Ren even better.

The sibling relationship

As each weekend approaches, I begin to plan a photo shoot of the two kids. I've been meaning to do Claire's three-year portrait for more than a month and thought I'd get a few shots of the kids together. Unfortunately, every week, one or the other kiddo has suffered a boo boo so I've kept postponing the photo shoot. This week it was Ren with a goose-egg and bruise on his head. But since it was time for Claire's portrait, I decided to forge ahead and decided I'd do my best to photoshop Ren's bruise in the best shots.

I did get a few photos I really like of Claire but I didn't get what I call the "money shot" of the two kids together - the shot where both kids look amazing and they are interacting in a sweet or interesting way. What I did get, though, were a number of pictures that accurately depict emotions regularly felt in their daily interactions. At least it was a realistic photo shoot! Here goes ...

Jealousy:

Anger and despair ("He broke my flower!"):

Note in the two photos above how, while one child suffers, the other is oblivious. That too is realistic!

Possessiveness:
Ah, and some positive ones ... playfulness and chivalry:

And at last, happiness and harmony:

Snips and snails

I was going to call this post "Potpourri" because it's a bit of a miscellaneous type of post but then realized potpourri doesn't sound very manly or boyish. That's where the "snips and snails" comes in.

I haven't done an update on Ren lately so I thought it was time. The one thing that has become obvious about Ren is that he loves hockey. The first sign was when he and Claire received mini hockey sticks from my sister and her family. He immediately repeated the word hockey (although it comes out as "uppy") and kept saying it over and over with a gleeful look. He loves playing with that mini stick and likes watching the actual game on TV. He even gets crazy-excited when he sees hockey pictures in the newspaper. On the next rainy day where we have nothing exciting going on, our craft will be to create a scrap album of hockey pics for him.

Ren was a little shaky and not quite steady on his feet when we met him. In the short time we've known him, his abilities have grown and he has proven to be quite a climber. He does the small climbing wall at the playground with ease and can quite easily climb ladder-style equipment as well. He is very adventurous and brave, always wanting to try new things. As a result, he has suffered a couple of boo boos. The latest was yesterday when he went down the slide on his tummy (feet first thankfully) but bounced his head back on the slide once he landed. Within two minutes, he had a massive goose-egg on his forehead. (Yes, I was supervising but I was busy with the other toddler and didn't see him go down until it was too late.) This was my first experience with such a boo boo so I called our 24 hour health link number and had a good long chat with a nurse who soon assured me (based on my responses to her questions) that he should be just fine. Today, the goose-egg is already much smaller.

We saw the occupational therapist, Cara, for the second time this Tuesday. She thinks Ren is doing well all around in gross and fine motor skills. He is still delayed as expected but between his two appointments with Cara, he has made great strides in catching up. I found one exercise particularly amusing. Cara asked Ren to clean up the small blocks by placing them in a bag. Instead of grabbing one or two as she expected, he reached out his big paw and grabbed five - five! - blocks with one hand. In the next movement, he used both hands to cup even more blocks to place in the bag. Cara remarked how smart and efficient our boy is. I had to agree!

Language continues to come along. It seems to come in spurts. This week, Ren finally began answering in the affirmative with "yeah!". Ah, what a difference not to hear "Na!!!" all the time (something he would say even when it was clear he wanted the offered item). Yesterday on the swing, he said, "higher" for the first time. Clearly, this was something he learned from his high-flying sis.

Speaking of Claire, he has been fairly constant in his treatment / regard for her. He tends to be very sweet and gentlemanly with her, which can lead to very cute scenarios. Just yesterday, she was hanging out underneath the kitchen table when he saw that she was about to crawl out. Immediately, he stopped what he was doing and ran over to offer his hand to her in assistance. That soon turned into a game of "rescue" where they took turns going underneath the table and crying "help me!" until the other helped them out. The two also love to dance and play song and dance games together such as Ring Around the Rosie or Sleeping Bunnies.

As we suspected very early on, Ren is quite easygoing in a lot of ways: wearing sunglasses (no problem!), putting lotion on him, giving him medicine, etc. Even when we go for medical appointments, he's pretty easy to keep happy while we wait and if it happens to be a not-so-pleasant appointment (like getting blood drawn or something) he cries but doesn't thrash around and use his strength to fight back as I thought he might.

It's been very interesting to see the difference in the genders. I never knew how much stock to put in gender differences but I'm starting to now. Ren really does do all the typical "boy" stuff: climbing, taking things apart, getting into everything, ramming the walls with toy shopping carts or strollers, running cars or other toys along the walls (now I understand why some families are always re-painting!), not obeying when he's told no, etc. I'll admit, I do stress about some of this in the sense that hey, that's our nice stuff - why does he have to ruin it?! I'm sure part of my reaction is because I grew up in a family with 7 kids and I remember many of our belongings being wrecked in some way or having parts missing and I think I suffer flashbacks whenever Ren gets quasi-destructive. But I'm trying to breathe deeply and not sweat the small stuff.

Well, it's probably time I sign off so I'll end with a few pictures.

One day earlier this week, it was actually sunny enough for sunglasses:

Ren had his first pony ride on Mother's Day at the zoo. He loved it!

Marianne and Rod spent the morning at the zoo with us. Here we all are with cinnamon, the horse Claire and Ren both rode that day.

I love pictures of little kids holding hands! Oh, and check out Claire's new bob. We love it!

Paul's dad has spent the last two work weeks (basically Monday to Friday) with us to give me a break and to help Paul out with all the yard work and other things to do around the house. It's been amazing having him here! This picture was taken right before Wally took Claire to her toddler class this morning:

An ode to grandparents

This Mother's Day, I want to recognize a mother's best friend: grandparents! Despite living 500 km away, we've had tremendous support from our parents since we became parents ourselves and especially since we came home with little Renners. My mom and Paul's parents have unfailingly put their lives aside to visit us and our kiddoes. When they are here, they:

• offer much-needed breaks for Paul and me


• clean the house


• repair things around the house and yard


• complete renovations to upgrade our home


• take care of one child while I take the other for medical appointments


• allow Paul to spend more time at work to get things done without sending me to the nuthouse


• allow me to do things like testdrive minivans to accommodate our growing family (yes, we're taking the plunge with a new Honda Odyssey) and


• provide wonderful companionship to us.

And those are just the direct benefits to Paul and I as parents. The benefits they bestow on Claire and Ren are endless. When they are here, our parents lavish their undivided attention on the kids, partaking in whatever activity strikes the kids' fancies: playing at the park, having tea parties, playing shopping, doing Play-doh, going for wagon rides, etc. Each activity can go on for hours when an inventive and patient grandparent is involved. When our kids are with their grandparents, we regularly hear their exclamations of delight, hearty belly laughs (Claire) and squeals (Ren!). If all is silent, then that's good too! Then we know our kids are absorbed in concentration, focused on whatever task the grandparent has absorbed them in.

I would be remiss if I didn't also recognize our children's hands-on honourary grandparents, Rod and Marianne. These friends have become a sort of family away from home. The friendship and support they have offered is amazing. They have consistently been there for us when we need a shoulder to cry on, someone to look after Claire during Ren's more intense medical appointments, and just whenever we need a good laugh. Claire adores Marianne and Rod and I know that Ren, as he spends more time with them, will come to love them just as much as his big sister does. To Claire, her Marianne and her Kitchen Boy (aka Rod - it's a long story) are people she feels safe with, people she can be silly with, people she can talk to and people she can count on. If that's not a grandparent, I don't know what is. We feel very fortunate that our children will grow up with yet another set of grandparents who selflessly give of their time, love and attention.

Since our kids are so young, it's unlikely they'll remember actual events or moments spent right now with their grandparents. But I have no doubt that they will remember the pure joy or peace they feel with their grandparents and the unconditional love they receive. As they grow older, Claire and Ren will retain memories of their time with their grandparents and I am sure that time will be remembered as a golden part of their childhoods.

So on Mother's Day, I want to thank my mom Mary, Paul's parents Joanne and Wally and our good friends Rod and Marianne for making my life easier and our children's lives infinitely richer. We are blessed to have you in our lives!

Ren's got the moves

... or shall I say "move". Ren has one signature dance move: the left-arm flap. I think it appears around second 14 of the video. Normally it'd be his first move but he's trying to follow along with the TV dance moves first. I always smile when I see Ren doing his little dance. He looks super-cute!

I realized recently we haven't taken a family photo for awhile so we took some today. Even with just one extra person, it's a lot harder now to get a good shot of everybody! Oh, by the way, if you look closely, you'll see Kitsya's back behind Paul's shoulder. If I had noticed her there, we would have included her properly!

The business man

I took a few photos of Ren today in his little suit. I think Ren looks like a serious little business man in this photo, like the photo belongs on the announcements page in the business section of the newspaper.

More cuteness: